Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
