there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
