And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
