my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It was confusing and full of hummus
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
