I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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