I cannot find my penis.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize