John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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