i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
