i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
a search helicopter?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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