i was rollin on her like bob the builder
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
