it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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