trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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