i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
