its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize