my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
