U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
