I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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