i need an iv and a liver transplant
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
