Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
did i walk over a car last night?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
