Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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