Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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