the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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