some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
