well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize