i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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