No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
