I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
