And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
