You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
