So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
