Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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