do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Randomize
