he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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