I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
