Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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