Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
