I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
