So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
