I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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