hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
