dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
