i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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