I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
