I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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