he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
