apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
