Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
