She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
