Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
