Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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