so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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