just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
