hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize