Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
