I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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