Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
