Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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