What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize