thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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