I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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