I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
