If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
