after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
