omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
