and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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