would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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