Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Dick very happy bro
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
