I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
