it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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