I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
