I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
