I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
