So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
