Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How does one acquire holy water?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
