do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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