well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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