Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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