you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
