Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
