He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
