one word: firstdatebathroomanal
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
