definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
