so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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