I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Life is so much better after having sex.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
