i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
