I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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