I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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