i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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