I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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