listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize