dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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