I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
