He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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