I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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