dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
