i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
