You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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